Moving back to England

England 2020

Moving back home was the happiest I have felt in a long time. I really struggled with who I was and what I was turning into, Being in America and away from everything I knew. Raising little humans in a different country, without a support system, I lost myself. I lost the fun, outgoing, willing to do anything kind of person I once was.

As soon as that plane hit the tarmac in London Heathrow Airport, I let out a big sigh of relief, were home, this is it for the next 3 years at least. Although I am so thankful and beyond happy i am back home I also did not realize how hard it would be.

Raising my family and being on my own taught me to be strong and to not rely on anyone. It has just been me, my husband and our children for the best part of 6 years. I missed the crap out of my family, and I had mentally prepared myself that I was not going to fit right back in where I had left off. That place I had before I left was no longer there. The world keeps spinning and life keeps moving whether you are there or not.

Although I had been mentally preparing myself for a while before coming home it really didn’t prepare me enough for how hard it was going to be. Obviously, our move back home was welcomed, I am so lucky to have the support from my family and friends which allowed me to be able to have the strength and courage to move away in the first place. I guess in the beginning I was fighting my own demons.

People change, I changed, and life changes. I became so independent that I really did find it hard in the beginning to let my family take the kids for a day out or have them for a sleepover. I also had to think about the kids fitting in, not just me. Me and my husband are all our children have known. They have never had a sleepover with cousins or their nana or grandad. They have never really spent time away from us, so the first time they had a sleepover I was expecting to have to go and pick them up. I was prepared for that phone call to say that my kids just couldn’t cope and needed me. But, once again they surprised me with how strong they are, and that phone call never came. In fact, they had such a wonderful time they did not want to come home. And now, many sleepovers later they can’t wait for the next time they get to have one.

The first-year home was amazing, I got to celebrate my birthday with those closest to me for the first time in 6 years. The kids got to have a birthday party with those closest to them, I got to spend birthdays with so many other people for the first time in a long time, and got to spend Mother’s Day with my mum for the first time since leaving. And with Father’s Day coming up I get to spend that with my dad also. We really do take for granted something so simple as just being in the same room with the people we love. We also feel like we should be doing something, going somewhere, when something so simple and sitting in the garden with a cup of tea while the children play and have a good time is all we need.

Once I got out of my own head about how we were going to find our place back in everyone’s lives I started having fun and really loving the fact that we were home, around the people we love, and we finally have a support system.

Its so weird though because when I was in America I missed “Home” so much I wanted to come back. Now, don’t get me wrong England is where I would love to stay and we will do our very best to try and make that happen but now I’m here, parts of me really miss being in America. I see America being the place where I became independent, I became the person I am today, and my children became the people they are today. We achieved so much, saw so much and experienced so much. I guess I can call it my second “home” now.

I guess what I can say is moving away is so scary, it is a life changing decision for anyone to make. It can either make or break you. I don’t view myself as someone who is strong enough to do it because I didn’t feel like I was, there were many, many, many days where I just wanted to go home. I just did what I had to for my family. After all, I did marry a military man and it was no surprise that we would have to move. Looking back, I’m quite sure I suffered with some form of depression from having to do everything myself, with next to no help but me being me I just viewed it as raising a family is hard especially without support.

I thought It was normal to feel the way I was feeling, having 3 children under 4 is hard for anyone so why would It be different for me. You’re going to upset someone with any decision you make in life, but your life is yours to live. People can either join you and go on that journey with you or they can resent you and be against you. No one is going to make your life better or give you opportunities in life other than yourself. What is there to be afraid of? Living a better life? giving your children the best start in life possible? Giving them real life, worldly experiences that not very many children get to have? Don’t hold back on the life you wish to have in fear of upsetting someone or fear of missing out. You will miss out more on the things you don’t do more than you would if you didn’t.